I am so thrilled to be able to share this story, because when I first asked the student—let’s call her Anna—if she minded, I was about 50% sure I would not get consent. However, she generously said “yes,” so now I get to tell you how amazing she is and how we used self-care to help her crush her defense anxieties.
Anna is a practicing counselor as well as a PhD student, and she is phenomenal. I am endlessly impressed by her conscientiousness and dedication to her research and her work.Anna is one of those rare students who really CARES about getting it right,and as a result her work is exemplary.
Defense anxiety is completely normal, so Anna was not alone in experiencing it. And sadly, the more conscientious you are, the more intense those nerves are likely to be. For those of us who are determined to do the best we can do, the natural impulse when something as important as defense is looming is to work extra hard, to make sure we will do well. And because defense prep is really a bottomless dish, the harder we work, the more stressed and anxious we get.
There was a point just after Anna began her defense preparations that I became very worried. Anna was trying to prepare in so many different ways that she was having trouble keeping track of them all. Her list included re-reading each chapter, listing key points, making notes on potential questions she might be asked, preparing answers to those questions, reading the examiners’ publications, and preparing her defense slides. It was a lot, and she admitted to feeling very overwhelmed.
Even more worryingly, she was tense and exhausted in our meetings – she may even have cried a little bit, although I wouldn’t like to swear to it. She admitted that she was not sleeping much and that she was spending all of her time working through her defense prep list. Even though she knew burnout was a real threat—she is something of an expert on the topic—she just didn’t know how to calm down.
I quickly realized that Anna needed my help to find a way to manage her anxiety and prep responsibly for defense without working herself to death. I knew she was going to be just fine in her defense—but my confidence was not enough. Anna needed to be able to slow down enough to realize it for herself.
I decided to impose some limitations on Anna’s work—and being the trooper that she is, Anna took my advice. Here’s what we did.
First, I called a halt on all the read-throughs and note-taking. It was too much and being overwhelmed by it was doing more harm than good.
In its place, I suggested a three-step plan (see the image below):
Allowing someone to tell you to loosen up and let go when you REALLY want to push hard is almost impossible. We cannot applaud Anna enough for having the courage to follow this plan.
And the good news? Anna began to feel better almost at once. As her stress levels and feelings of overwhelm dropped, her prep work became more focused and effective. Her confidence in her expertise grew exponentially, and as a result, her focus and critique of her work sharpened. In short, Anna blossomed.
But what made me even happier than her academic confidence was hearing Anna tell me frequently about her non-dissertation life – how she took a day off, watched a movie, hit the gym, or enjoyed the nice weather.
A few weeks later, Anna passed her defense with no revisions. She’s now Dr. Anna.
Anna – you know who you are – fist bump. 😊
How about you? Are you brave enough to slow the pace?
